Newshound here – woof woof! What a week! There I was, sniffing a few trouserlegs (harmless enough) on the way to the boozer when the old dog and bone rattled my eardrums and I was ordered off to darkest Horncastle.

Why?  Oh come on…can’t you guess? It was only a rumour, they said, but they believed the country’s oldest family-run gardening business was about to go the way of any number of others and join hands with Big Brother. Yes…it’s come to that.

A rumour? My Aston Martin… I rocked up and loitered in the aisles a while, eavesdropping like a Sherlock Holmes hanger-on, and discovered to my horror that everybody ALREADY KNEW (especially those with uniforms on)! Suddenly, I felt like a spare part at a wedding…. I mean, who needs a newshound to spread common knowledge?

Anyway, protocol is protocol, and although Bonio tastes better, I had to chew on it.  The usual charade: “Excuse me miss, you’ve just bought Crowders Garden Centre and….Pardon me? You don’t comment on speculation…but it’s on the local paper’s website now….Wot? you’re kidding me. OK. I’ll keep my mouth shut…”

Hee hee hee…some chance, eh?

So there you are. Everybody knows but we don’t know anything at all. That’s the way it is, and that, my friends, looks like the way it will always be…for ever and ever, Amen.

Until next time…woof woof!